you guys were way drunker than both of me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
