I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
