I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
