You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize