if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
