I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
