i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize