Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
