He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize