They should really pass out barf bags in church
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
