I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
