i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
