So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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