This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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