So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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