I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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