I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
