Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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