I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
