Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
