shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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