Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
