I CAN MOONWALK!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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