If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
3pm strippers are depressing
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
