you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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