My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
