i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
