how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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