operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
