I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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