Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
