Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's never too late to be topless.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
