I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
