He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
