well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
