A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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