and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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