They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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