i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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