ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
