Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
