mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
