she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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