Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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