dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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