So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
