how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
