last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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