no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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