You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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