We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
